so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
