Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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