Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize