After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
