my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
