see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
