I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
