One girl and one boy is just not enough.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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