So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
