Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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