It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
