I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
