You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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