Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
