I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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