I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
