Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
