You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
