I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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