apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
