dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
