dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Vodka?
Forever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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