This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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