did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
