Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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