I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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