do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
