for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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