apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
