i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
