I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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