were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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