he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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