So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
