I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
