You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
