I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
