you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
