I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
