I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
