mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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