We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
