sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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