Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
