Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
