Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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