Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
