I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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