Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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