I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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