You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
