best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize