Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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