ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
