love makes seman taste better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
