i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
