I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish you could order shots online.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
