Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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