I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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