My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
