I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
