well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
